Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Perhaps I should learn to let go....

I just got back from youth group, and it got me thinking about something. Something that i already knew in my head, and once knew in my heart, but had somehow halfway forgotten. Its one of those simple things, but Satan uses simple things to drive a wedge.

If I cant let go of everything, God cannot make me into who i need to be.

For me, it has been trying to a more popular person, especially with the girls in my life. I guess every 15 year old guy wants to be more popular w/ teh ladies, but it was becoming one of my main focuses. I thought that if i had more freinds, and if I had a gf, it would make me more happy.

So i have been trying very hard to become everyones freind. And in the proscess have begun to lose who i am.

This isnt the first time this has happened. Most of my elementary and middle school days were spent trying not to get hazed by my peers and to get through the day with a minimal ammount of emotional pain (my fellow classmates made short work of that goal). I was always the loser at school. At one point i decided that i was sick of it, but, having the weak personality of someone who had constantly been put down through school, instead of being who I was, i tried to be who everyone else was. This sort of behavior never works, and eventually I figured it out.

But my fight-or-flight instict is to try and be someone who i think everybody will like. And, always, no one ever likes that peson.

The key to being me is to letting God take me where i need to go. if i try to carry the burden of being the guy everyone likes, ill end up being crushed.

So i guess the key here is to let God help me be me.


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