Thursday, March 10, 2005

I love paintball, but i hate being poor...

Music: "oh" by Dave Matthews

Wow, its only the 10th of the month, and im already completely broke. The only money I have to my name is in possibly-expired gift cards to Borders and Starbucks. I blew $120 of hard-mooched money on one paintball tournament. ONE! And all i have to show for it is a wallet made by everyones favorite paintball/clothing company Empire.

So i payed $120 to show up and have my stupid Dye gun break, get shot at by people who's guns work, and become a walking billboard for a paintball company. Every time i walk into 7-11 to buy some Rockstar, i get to let them know to buy empire! As if these guys don't make enough money as it is. They overcharge for all of their products, from their pants to luggage sets to hats to paintball guns. I guess they even make skate shoes now. Sad thing is, i really like Empire. I really like the wallet they gave me. I have put stickers on my hopper, gun, trumpet case, ect. And i really want those shoes...

But no more about Empire. Back to all the money i dont have. I happen to have expenses besides paintball this month. Such as food. And clothes. All of my clothes are going the way of my money as we speak; all of my pants are falling apart. Even my paintball pants. Right now, I have 3 pairs to choose from to wear. I hafta do laundry 3 times a week.

And dont even get me started about food. There have been way too many days where i have trodded to the library after 3rd period to sleep on a couch because I couldnt mooch $2 off of someone to buy a sandwich. And yes, I know that is a very high prie for a sandwich. My school has this great system of Closed Campus, which means i have to eat cruddy school food at high prices instead of going to MikeyD's and putting my $2 into a virtual feast. Most days my mom makes me a lunch, but on the days when she doesnt....

Sometimes i wonder why i play this overly expensice sport in the first place. Its not as if im winning gear to make up for the expense.

And then I look at the hits on my hands, and I pick up my gun and start playing with the trigger, and I remember.

Its cause im in love with it.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005


Wow, this year has gone by so fast. It seems like summer was a month ago, and its already so close to the next one.

I guess thats a good thing though. Noting has really happened to me since summer. The weather around here right now is reminding me of how much i miss it.

I miss being able to see the stars at night. I miss not having to worry about school or anything the next day. I miss sleep.

Most of all, i think i miss the mentality. That everything is perfectly OK.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

I feel.... pwned.

For lack of a better term, i feel completely pwned right now. I just finished a buttload of homework, and i still have a buttload to do (gonna hafta wait till tommorow, this dudes out). Why does school keep this constant pressure on me? Do they think i have nothing better to do?

I have been talking to some older people about high school, and i gather that it wasnt the same back in the day. My small group leader TJ and i were getting some food, and he started going off about how much slacked off in high school, and how his grades rocked in spite of it. What the crap is up w/ that? I'm prolly gonna end up w/ a 3.2 or something this trimester, and over half of those are gimmie classes. I had to scramble to keep my math grade from falling. And i did all of the homework! I kinda studied!

And yet, the previous generation got to lae their way through high school, not caring whether their assignments were turned in or not, and not hafta worry about being able to get into college after they were done.

Ill be lucky if i end up going to a state university.

GRR! the system SUCKS!

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


I was erading the word last night, and i came across this verse:

"Keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks recieves. Everyone who seeks will find. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks."

Matthew 7:7-8

When my eyes hit this verse, I thought about my desires. Right now, the one thing I want more than anything is love. So, since the verse says right there that if i ask i will recieve, I asked God for love. Immediatly, images started flowing into m head. Pictures of all these people in my life. People who truly love me.