High School Assemblies

I wonder what high school assemblies would be like if me and my freinds ran them. I think we would make a couple changes....

1. Instead of dumb constest involving food or hugging, we would have Air Guitar competitions.
2. We would give out obscenely huge prizes with money out of the athletic department's budget
3. Instead of voting for the prom king and queen, there would just be a huge drunken brawl.
4. Instead of teachers dressing up in costumes, wed have them full-contact football with our varsity team.
5. The entire audience would be covered in a gross food substance at least twice.
6. Instead of the school band playing, we'd ask the freshman class to put together a metal band. Rotten fruit would then be distributed to the other classes.
7. If attendance of a particular class got too low, we'd hrie some bums from downtown portland to fill in.

--josh