Thursday, November 15, 2007

what happens when you've let go of the rope?

I am so tired.

I honestly can say I have never been this tired in my entire life. I'm tired of everything.

I'm tired learning things.
I'm tired of writing.
I'm tired of paying for classes I don't want to take.
I'm tired of commuting on a bus for 2 hours every day.
I'm tired of asking myself what I'm doing here.
I'm tired of imagining a future.
I've run out of ideas.
I've run out of dreams.
I'm running out of time.
I'm running from myself.
I'm so tired of people.
I'm tired of girls.
I'm tired of being a feeling being that has to work through emotions. I want to be a robot.
I'm tired of not wanting to wake up in the morning.
I'm tired of smoking.
I'm tired of having a constant headache.
I'm tired of late labs.
I'm tired of my girlfriend's sister.
I'm tired of people being petty and stupid. I hate stupid people.
I'm tired of being disconnected from my college.
I'm tired of being alone, and having so many acquaintances and not many friends.
I'm tired of feeling dumb.
I'm tired of classes that make me feel like I'm in high school again.

I almost want to give up. I know I won't, and I know that moving here to campus will make a difference. I know that I can pick better classes. I know I can get more sleep. I know that I can make more friends. I know it's only two more weeks.

But I still feel so very, very tired. I can't cry, I can't collapse, I can't anything. I'm not sad or mad or even frustrated. I'm just exhausted.

Someone, please tell me that there's a purpose to this. I need someone to tell me again that I'm smart and funny and that I'm going to suceed. That my dreams can come true.

Someone, please tell me.

1 comment:

Andeen said...

you're going to succeed. your dreams can come true.

try not to dwell on the bad things. focus on the water that *is* in the glass - yes, it's there if you really look for it. and the more you look for it, the more of it you'll see, and the happier you'll be.

take things one day at a time. the bigger plan will become clear in time, but a watched pot never boils. in the meantime, do your thing, day by day, seeking and celebrating the water in the glass.